I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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