At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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