She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
