Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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