At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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