Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
