sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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