he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
