Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
