one word: firstdatebathroomanal
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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