garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
