i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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