so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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