I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She tied me up with her honor cords...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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