I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
