I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
