My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
