Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
