what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
