i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
