I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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