Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
As shirtless as possible
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She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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