Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
