I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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