It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
