You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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