I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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