She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
