How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
