can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize