Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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