Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Randomize
