i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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