I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
