i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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