so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
