did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
