Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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