I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize