you guys were way drunker than both of me
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
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Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
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He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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