Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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