I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
