new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
