You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
