found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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