I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
