Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
did i just pee glitter
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
