Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
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I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
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Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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