everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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