Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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