At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
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Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
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You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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