Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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