Having a random hookup so left but love u
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
