called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
