What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
