Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
