The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
