I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
