she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize