i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
