im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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