how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
