the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
