i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
