Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
