Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
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and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
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the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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