Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
