hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Randomize
