Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
